(Part 3 of 3)
“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast.”-Luke 15:20-23
When it comes to empowering versus enabling there are a couple more key points that warrant our attention. First, notice how the father did not focus on what was squandered. I have been guilty of this. The father saw the son and had compassion on him. The father’s heart was to restore him, not to nit pick the “could have beens” or highlight the consequences.
As a loving father he was going to make sure that his son was fed and clothed, but there is no evidence that he was going to give him any other financial gifts, without evidence that he was going to squander it again.
With the robe, ring and sandals the father restored to his son the favor of a son, the identity of a son, and the dignity of a son. He did not, however, give him more money.
That wouldn’t have been fair to the other son. However, the other son had a heart issue of his own. He didn’t even want his brother restored to sonship. Proper parenting, nevertheless, finds a healthy balance. We don’t abandon people because of their poor decisions, but we do not enable them to continue in them.
Don’t allow a child to convince you that your love is tied to bailing them out. The truth is, real love, allows them to walk through the consequences of their poor decisions so that they can “come to their senses” and learn how to take responsibility for their own lives. The goal is to restore, not reward.
As parents, my wife and I, walked through times where another parent thought they knew our child well enough to question whether our parental decisions were motivated by our own unwillingness to let go of them. However, after raising my child for 18 years, I recognized things in them that this person had not been in their life long enough to see.
I say that because we may try and step into an older teen or young adults life, thinking we understand what is happening, but truly only know what they want you to know. You could be very well giving them what their parents are using as leverage and completely undermining that parents ability to influence their child. So be careful.
Parenting is hard at any age, but we can begin now preparing our hearts to release responsibility, give them room to fail, use leverage wisely, avoid focusing on what was squandered and learn to restore without reward.
Pastor Scott Burr
Dayspring Community Church
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