The Parenting Series: Godly Correction (Pt. 1)

(Part 1)

“A rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a youth left to himself is a disgrace to his mother.”-Proverbs 29:15 (HCSB)

Last week we discussed the importance of modeling and training as part of our parenting approach. One way, in which we train our kids, that I left as a stand alone topic for this week is the role of healthy discipline. In fact, no good training will be devoid of discipline and raising godly children is no exception. 

Nevertheless, discipline in our culture is a sensitive topic. I spanking acceptable? Should we use time-outs, grounding, or withhold privileges? There is a contingency of people that question whether we should even discipline our kids at all. 

The Bible, however, is not silent on the subject of correction and discipline. God communicates clearly in Revelation 3:19 that discipline and correction are a demonstration of His love for us:

“I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.”

Jesus was very clear that He corrects and disciplines everyone He loves and clearly demonstrates that love (not anger) should be our motivation for discipline. Discipline must be motivated by love and a deep concern for the best interest of our children. Have you ever disciplined your child, not to impart wisdom, but because you were frustrated over the additional work or stress it created for you? 

Just as we have a goal in mind as we parent our children, discipline, too, should have a definitive goal in mind. The goal of healthy discipline should be godly character. This should cause us to ask ourselves the question: When we discipline our kids are we trying to conform them to our will or to God’s character? Although obedience is certainly an outcome of proper discipline, when we teach our children the importance of godly submission, we are teaching them to do the right thing for the right reason. 

Throughout the book of Proverbs (13:1, 19:18, 23:13-14, & 29:17) we find confirmation that God sees discipline as a means of training and a path to life.

So with the necessity of discipline being established, let us turn our attention to the question of “How we should discipline?” I am not going to debate the value of each of the various methods of discipline, rather I am going to refer back to Proverbs 29:15 to help us determine if the method you are using is effective: 

“A rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a youth left to himself is a disgrace to his mother.”-Proverbs 29:15 (HCSB)

This passage helps us lay some important groundwork. There are two paths which discipline can take that will affect your approach:

1. We can discipline in anger.  When we discipline in anger our goal is simply to punish wrong behavior.

or 

2. We can discipline in love. When we discipline in love our goal is to impart wisdom and correct behavior. 

The path we choose will influence our effectiveness in helping our children develop in godly character. 

Pastor Scott Burr

Dayspring Community Church

The Parenting Series: Modeling & Training (Pt.3)

(Part 3 of 3)

“Train up a child in the way they should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”-Proverbs 22:6

At some point we must move from “This is how its done”, which is modeling, to “This is how you do it”, which is training. We must lead the transition to help our children become less dependent on us parents and more solely dependent on God. 

Modeling is great in giving our kids the confidence to know that it can be done, but training empowers them to do it. When God gave Moses the Ten Commandments He gave them some specific instructions about what to do with them. It is obvious that they were to obey them, but God also instructed them to teach them to their children:

“And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.  Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”-Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Did you catch that? Commit yourselves to them (modeling) and then repeat them again and again to your children (training). Talk about them as part of your daily life and show them how to apply God’s word in a variety of situations and scenarios. Why? Because what you invest in them is what they will build interest in. We shouldn’t be surprised if we spend five hours a week playing baseball with our kids and only 15 minutes reading God’ word to them; that they begin to see baseball as more important than their faith. 

Unfortunately, we, the parents, are the biggest hindrance to our children’s training:

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”-Ephesians 6:4 

If you want to discourage your child from pursuing Jesus, nothing does it faster than telling them how to live, yet not living it yourself. Our lack of modeling the things we teach will certainly hinder their training. 

In addition, our inability to show grace through the growth process can hinder their training. We must be willing to give our kids room to fail. Sometimes we don’t show them enough grace because we are worried about enabling. However, we should not confuse enabling with empowering. Remember that maturity is a process and growing in righteousness takes time. There is no time limitations on training our kids. The book of Titus teaches us that training doesn’t end when they turn 18:

“As for you, Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience. Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.”-Titus 2:1-7

Remember we must parent with a goal in mind:

“Our greatest priority as Christian parents is to gradually transfer our children’s dependence away from us until it rests solely on God.”-Craig Groschel. 

That begins with modeling and training. 

Scott Burr

Dayspring Community Church

The Parenting Series: Modeling & Training (Pt.2)

(Part 2 of 3)

“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”-1 Corinthians 11:1

As parents we are to model faith for our children. To model means to serve as a standard or example. The Apostle Paul, spiritual father to the early church, often encouraged them to follow his example:

“Brethren, join in following my example,  and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern.”-Philippines 3:17

Paul’s instruction, however, would have been nullified in the hearts of those who heard it, if they had not seen it displayed in his life first. This was the same example employed by Jesus, who before taking time to teach His disciples, He first invited them to follow Him. This is what God meant when he wrote in Deuteronomy 4:9 that we are to take heed ourselves, those things we’ve seen and heard, before we can instruct others in it:

“Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren.”-Deuteronomy 4:9

Modeling always precedes teaching. We cannot carry a “Do as I say, not as I do” attitude. We must first have made application and be living these principles ourselves. We can’t teach our kids to forgive, if they never see us walk out forgiveness. We can’t teach our kids the importance of tithing, if they never see us tithe. We can’t expect them to stay calm in the midst of a storm, if we fly off the handle at every gust of trouble. If attending church is optional to you, it will likely become optional to them. If you prioritize things ahead of church, so will they. We can model both good and bad behavior. So we must remain conscientious of that. 

You can either to a thermostat or a thermometer. One of them reacts to the temperature in the room, the other sets it. It is the difference between being a visionary parent and a reactionary parent. It’s hard to set the temperature in your home to “peaceful” if you fly off the handle and scream at the top of your lungs every time your kids misbehave. It is even harder to correct that behavior in them when we are the one’s modeling it for them.

The dangerous tendency, however, is to excuse our compromises. When we do, we lay the groundwork for continued compromise in our kids lives as they will continue to build upon the compromises that we’ve allowed or excused in ourselves. It hard to correct bad behavior by simply telling someone to stop. Good behavior/Godly practices must be modeled before we can expect others to accept any training in righteousness that we may offer. 

I read this recently and it made so much sense in this context: “Train up a child in the way they should go, but be sure to go that way yourself.” It doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect, but it should be obvious that living a Godly life is a priority to us as parents.

Pastor Scott Burr

Dayspring Community Church 

The Parenting Series: Modeling & Training (Pt.1)

(Part 1 of 3)

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!”- Psalm 127: 3-5a

Parenting, according to Wikipedia, is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. If I could be so bold, I would also add spiritual development to that list. 

That is quite a task for those brave enough to tackle parenting. When my wife and I first became parents of our first born 25 years ago, we were blissfully ignorant of that definition. Or at least we were ignorant of the monumental effort that it would require. In fact, we were shocked by how little instruction we were given at the hospital. The first night the nursing staff was wonderful, they came in every 12 minutes and showed us how to bath the baby, change the first disgusting diaper, as well as how to feed and swaddle the baby. The next night, we were on our own. And then, they put us in our car and sent us home without an instruction manual! I would have liked to have known about colic, ear infections and temper tantrums. Right? We spent mosts of our early parenting years just trying to keep him alive and when we found out that we could do that, we decided having another child would be a good idea. It wasn’t until after our oldest daughter was born that we began to really think about what is our ultimate goal as parents? 

Have you ever asked yourself that question? What is the goal of parenting? Shouldn’t there be a big picture? Isn’t parenting important enough hat we should have some sort of a destination in mind, so that we are not haphazardly raising our kids with no real objective or outcome anticipated. As a Christian, who lives by a biblical worldview, my objective may look differently from some of yours. As I began to look deeper into the objective of parenting I came across a quote by Pastor Craig Groschel that really sums up well my parenting objective:

“Our greatest priority as Christian parents is to gradually transfer our children’s dependence away from us until it rests solely on God.” 

For a long time I thought I was to raise my kids to be independent, unfortunately, many times becoming independent from you means that they also want to be independent from what you believe; including faith in God. In reality, however, my mission as a parent isn’t to make them more independent, but rather to shift their dependence from me, solely onto God. In this way, God remains a focal point in their life, founded on their own personal relationship with Him and not based on my faith as a parent. 

How do we do that? How do we champion that in our homes? It begins with modeling and training. 

Pastor Scott Burr

Dayspring Community Church 

The Cost of Christmas (Pt.2)

(Part 2 of 2)

“Many of his disciples said, “This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?” Jesus was aware that his disciples were complaining, so he said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what will you think if you see the Son of Man ascend to heaven again? The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life. But some of you do not believe me.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning which ones didn’t believe, and he knew who would betray him.) Then he said, “That is why I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father gives them to me.” At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him.”-John 6:60-66

Sometimes there is a cost to Christmas that we fail to consider. John tells us that at this point many of Jesus’ own disciples turned away and deserted Him. The people of Jesus’ day dreamed of the moment that the Messiah would come. They dreamed of being liberated from Roman bondage and living heaven on earth, so to speak, with the Messiah reigning among them. Many of Jesus’ disciples believed Him to be the Messiah and followed Him enthusiastically, until His teachings became difficult and demanded them to abandon their old way of living to follow Him. Yet, Jesus still chose to come.

In fact, Jesus warned those who would follow Him that, in much the same way, He was being rejected, so they would also be if they chose to follow Him. There is a cost to following Jesus. Like Him, it may cost you some relationships:

“A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, “If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.”-Luke 14:25-27

In comparison to Christ, we cannot love others or even our own lives, more than we love Him. So, when we celebrate the birth of Christ, we must count the cost of being His disciple.  If being abandoned by His disciples wasn’t difficult enough. He was, then, stripped of His dignity on the way to the cross:

“Some of the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into their headquarters and called out the entire regiment. They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him. They wove thorn branches into a crown and put it on his head, and they placed a reed stick in his right hand as a scepter. Then they knelt before him in mockery and taunted, “Hail! King of the Jews!” And they spit on him and grabbed the stick and struck him on the head with it. When they were finally tired of mocking him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him again. Then they led him away to be crucified.”-Matthew 27:27-31

The Roman soldiers stripped Him down and mocked Him. They led Him to the cross, where they gambled for His clothes, and hung Him as a criminal on display for all to see. Christmas cost Jesus His dignity.

Ultimately, however, Christmas cost Jesus His life:

“By this time it was about noon, and darkness fell across the whole land until three o’clock. The light from the sun was gone. And suddenly, the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn down the middle. Then Jesus shouted, “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” And with those words he breathed his last.-Luke 23:44-46

Jesus came to lay down His life as a ransom for many. Some of you are probably thinking this sounds like a Good Friday message. I’ll let you in on a secret, Good Friday is when the bill for Christmas came due. Christmas comes with a cost! Jesus had a budget for Christmas…ALL IN!

So before you get frustrated about getting another scented candle for Christmas or were forced to eat green bean casserole for the seventh time, remember the true cost of Christmas. We stress ourselves out over a few gifts and a hectic schedule and have gotten our eyes off what it truly cost Jesus to give us eternal life.

Pastor Scott Burr