(Part 3 of 3)
“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”-Proverbs 22:6
Keeping kids on the right path begins with consistency in the life of each parent. It’s hard to correct your kids for doing things that they see you hear and do regularly. We must first model the behavior we desire to see in our kids before we have an expectation for them to live up to a standard that we ourselves are not living. It is also helpful if we remain consistent in what we correct and the intensity that we use to correct it. If you discipline a child for being 10 minutes late for curfew this time, be certain that they get the disciplined for it the next time. If you give a weeks grounding this time, don’t make it 12 weeks the next time simply because you are angry. Consistency is a powerful tool.
Another powerful tool is mercy. Use mercy as the stage to put the ball in your child’s court for next time. So if your child is 10 minutes late, let them know that they were wrong without imposing discipline. They get mercy for their first offense. However, let them know that the next time they are late it will be an automatic one week grounding. The ball is now in their court. You can remind them of it on their way out the door, but there is no discussion about it when they walk in the door late the next time.
Above all, stay calm! This has been a problem for me in the past. I always felt like I needed to get “passionate” so they would realize how serious I was about it. My wife was good at seeing this coming and have me go count to 1,000 before talking to the kids. There is certainly a place for passion, but perhaps we need to take a page out of Jesus’ playbook. Think about how many times Jesus showed mercy, in comparison to turning over tables!
Finally, don’t undercut each other in front of your kids. If a discipline is meted out by your spouse when you are at home, seems harsh to you once you hear about it, discuss it in private. If you agree to shorten or lessen the discipline then the parent that initiated the correction can go back and make the adjustments. Here is why: As soon as your kids see that you are they softy, they will run to you every time they don’t like the correction they have been given. This will only create division in your home and a divided house cannot stand.
Just remember that to discipline in love is to correct, to discipline in anger is to punish, and the goal of discipline is Godly character.
Pastor Scott Burr
Dayspring Community Church
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