The Parenting Series: Godly Correction (Pt.2)

(Part 2)

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”-Colossians 3:21

Is the goal of discipline, in your mind, simply to punish wrongdoing or is the goal of discipline to impart wisdom that corrects character? The answer to that will determine your approach to discipline. 

I was reading an article recently that discussed four danger areas that may indicate that we are gravitating towards a “discipline to punish” attitude:

-Continuous Shouting 
-Shaming
-Over-generalizing
-Over-reacting 

Any of these done in anger can cause a child to become discouraged and embittered towards us. Discipline that is motivated improperly can cause a child to emotionally separate themselves from that parent; thus hindering that parent from being able train that child in the ways of righteousness. 

It is good for families to evaluate and discuss discipline in their homes on a regular basis. Here are some points to consider:

1. Husbands and wives must be in agreement to the method (spanking, time-outs, grounding) that will be used. This is especially true for blended families and step-parents. There should be no double standards when it comes to blended families. After agreeing upon the method, both of you should have the authority to exercise it within your home. This should be communicated often to each other and the children. 

2. As kids grow up the method of discipline must change along with them. What corrected bad behavior at age 5 won’t necessarily work at age 17. At some point you must move from making them stand in the corner to doing extra chores or revoking privileges (cell phone/wifi). Don’t be afraid to change it up to find what works. 

3. Realize that each kid is different and utilize a discipline appropriate to correct the behavior. Do not fall into the trap, as many have, of believing that we have to discipline all of our kids the same way. People, especially your kids, will complain that to give out differing disciplines isn’t fair. However, is it fair that one of your kids does not develop godly character simply because you refused to discipline them in a way different from your other children? What is the problem if all your kids are disciplined in different ways? Stop obsessing over the method. Focus on the goal of discipline and that is creating godly character. If little Sally has been put in the corner 1,000 times for something, perhaps it’s time to find a new method, because “the corner” isn’t correcting anything. 

You should, however, certainly be fair. Be fair in that they each receive discipline for the same offenses, but that does not require that the discipline for each must be the same. If two of your kids are punching each other, both should get disciplined for punching, but each one may need a different method of correction. We can shortchange the character development in our kids by simply choosing to use the same method of discipline with each child, even though it may not be correcting anything. 

Pastor Scott Burr
Dayspring Community Church