What are you saying about your marriage? (Pt.2)

(Married Life Series)

“A worthless person, a wicked man, is one who walks with a perverse (corrupt, vulgar) mouth. Who winks with his eyes (in mockery), who shuffles his fee (to signal), who points with his fingers (to give subversive instruction); who perversely in his heart plots trouble and evil continually; who spreads discord and strife.”-Proverbs 6:12-14 (AMP)

This passage is cautioning us to pay attention to people’s body language. Their words may be communicating one message, but their actions and body language are telling a different story. In many cases, what they are saying without words is a better indication of their true intentions than what is proceeding from their mouths. 

Body language is a language that is seen and not heard. Like verbal communication it relays a message; however, at times, that message does not seem to line up with what is being expressed verbally. This creates duplicity in our message, something James 3:10-12 cautions us to avoid:

“Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same spring? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.”

We can be sending a very mixed message to people when we claim to be happily married but our body language toward our spouse is sending an entirely different message. 

Another important point is that what we fail to speak says a lot about what we value. Spend time with people and listen to what they talk about. Things like sports, trucks, kids, work, and church. What they spend time discussing provides valuable feedback about what they value. However, what they fail to mention can also be construed, by others, to be something they value very little. 

Can people tell by looking at your phone or looking at your Facebook page that you are happily married? Or is your page plastered with only pictures of yourself, your hobbies or your kids? What you project can communicate to others what they perceive your priorities to be.

Some people will argue, “Well, at least I’m not sitting around talking ugly about my spouse!” They subscribe to the line of thought made familiar by the little rabbit Thumper in the movie Bambi: “If you can’t say nothing nice, don’t say nothing at all.” However, this can be just as detrimental. If you never speak of your spouse, either in a general sense or in a way that is edifying, you may be communicating to others that your spouse isn’t very important to you. 

If we are going to send the right message we must heed Philippians 2:3:

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambitions or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

This type of esteem is not expressed merely with words, but also through our actions and body language; they must all work in conjunction for the proper edification of our spouse. 

Pastor Scott Burr

Dayspring Community Church