Married Life Series
“If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.”-Luke 11:36 NLT
Today we want to begin a study about three personalities that can shipwreck a marriage-concealers, dealers, and squealers. When one of these identities emerges in a marriage, you can be certain that the path to a healthy vibrant marriage is going to be plagued with obstacles.
As you read the next several week’s columns, there are going to be some of you that begin diagnosing people you know. However, these are not designed to highlight the already biased flaws we perceive in our others, they are intended to act as a spotlight on our own souls; exposing any dark area that would become a potential barrier to the health of our marriage. The health of our marriage, actually any relationship for that matter, begins with ourselves. It begins by asking God to show us our sin, our shortcomings, and our weaknesses; the dark parts in our hearts:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.”-Psalm 139:23-24
Our goal is to expose some of these dangerous tendencies that can potentially cripple your relationships. It is important to consider each of these, because the capacity for any of these personalities lies within each of us.
Let’s begin by looking at concealers. No relationship is going to flourish if one or both spouses develop a tendency to conceal the truth. Concealing truth is just a fancy way of packaging a lie. Lying destroys trust! Every relationship, especially a marriage, is built on mutual trust. When a person is caught in a lie, trust quickly erodes, hurting both people in the process. Whether it is keeping secrets or telling a little white lie; lying destroys one of the pillars of a healthy relationship-trust.
So why do people lie? Men and women lie to protect themselves. Many are even convinced that lying is in the interest of the person they are deceiving. Where do lies begin? Lying begins when a person is ashamed of the truth. For many, it is easier to lie than to face confrontation. Other times, being untruthful signals insecurity, perhaps with oneself or within a relationship. Often, we attempt to convince ourselves that we are the only person the lie is hurting, or that it’s only this one time, however that one lie leads to another, then to another to cover it up.
God has some pretty strong words to speak concerning lying:
Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal truthfully are His delight.”-Proverbs 12:22.
God is a God of truth, righteousness, and holiness; whereas lying is rooted in deception. Where God is the originator of truth, Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44). So when we lie, we speak the devil’s language; which totally cuts against the grain of God’s Word:
“Therefore, put away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.”-Ephesians 4:25.
And in case that isn’t clear enough for you:
“Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds.”
Blatant deception, white lies, half-truths, withholding informations, and breaking promises all destroy truth in a relationship and diminish a person’s integrity. Jesus said it best in Matthew 5:37, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’, ‘No”. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”
Pastor Scott Burr
Dayspring Community Church
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