“But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female. For this reason man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And the two will become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.”-Mark 10:6-9
Since the dawn of time mankind has been faced with many barriers. It was believed men could only go so fast, until we broke the sound barrier. It was believed that men could only go so far, until we put men on the moon. Breaking barriers has been a hall mark of the human spirit.
Barriers are obstacles intended to prevent movement, progress or access. Barriers can be good if they protect us from something that is harmful or dangerous, however they can be severely limiting if they keep us from reaching our potential; especially in something as important as our marriages.
Today we want to focus on the biggest barrier between you and a growing, healthy marriage. The greatest obstacle is not an issue of communication, finances, in-laws, or infidelity. The greatest threat to marriage is selfishness!
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”-James 4:1
As much as we hate to admit it; one characteristic that we all share is that we each possess an inclination towards selfishness. Disagreements and fights emerge within our relationships because either one or both of us is self-seeking. Quarrels arise from these selfish desires that wage war inside of us; disrupting the unity in your relationship.
“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”-James 3:16.
Some of you are thinking, “Well, that’s not me! I give and give and give; but it doesn’t make any difference!” Giving, however, is not an indication of selflessness! Giving can actually be a selfish act. If I give of my time, rights, or finances in order to appease or gain favor with another person, then my giving is not purely selfless! This doesn’t mean it was not done out of deceit, however it is not a selfless gesture. This is “giving to get” and the moment that I begin to expect reciprocation; it is no longer considered selfless.
So if giving more is not the answer to selfishness, how do we break through the selfishness barrier? The key is serving! Serving is about releasing not relinquishing. When I serve my spouse I am releasing my time, rights, talents and resources out of a divine love for Christ with no expectation of reward from them; because I know that I am gaining favor with God. We see this in Ephesians 5:22&25:
“Wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord” & “Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
There are no “ifs”! Wives are not instructed to demonstrate respect only if their husbands love them and husbands are not instructed to love sacrificially only if their wives respect and honor them. It is mutual submission. It is a demonstration of divine obedience in which our actions are not intended to illicit a response from our spouse, but when lived out,with a right heart, they will bring honor to our God.
Pastor Scott Burr
Dayspring Community Church
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