Married Life Series
“Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”-Genesis 3:12-13
The final personality that can emerge and prove toxic to a marriage is the squealer. Squealers are those individuals who like to point fingers and play the blame game.
The blame game is an attempt to place responsibility on everyone and everything besides ourselves. This is done, in order that we do not have to experience the discomfort of looking at our own faults or responsibilities in any given situation. The blame game empowers us to believe that we don’t need to change and that it is the other person creating all the problems. The destructive consequence of blaming is that is leaves people thinking, feeling and behaving like a victim.
The blame game is as old as Adam and Eve. When God confronts Adam about eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil; he blames the woman. When God approaches the woman; she blames the serpent. We see this shifting of blame throughout the scriptures. In Genesis 4:9, we read the account of God confronting Cain about his brother Abel:
“Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother? He said, “I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper?”
Although Cain had killed Abel, he was still trying to shift the blame away from himself.
In Matthew 27:24, Pilate is speaking to the crowds that were demanding the death of Jesus. He had found no reason to crucify him but ultimately caved to the unrelenting crowd:
“When Pilate saw that he could not prevail at all, but rather that a tumult was rising, he took water and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, “I am innocent of the blood of this just Person. You see to it.”
Pilate had the authority and power to release Jesus, but chose to hand him over to be crucified. He shirked his responsibility. This type of behavior (shifting responsibility) is not simply wrong, it is sinful. James 4:17 declares:
“Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.”
This is especially true in our obligations to our spouse. Ephesians 5 teaches husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands; however neither is ever dependent on the other spouse doing their part. We cannot blame our lack of integrity in subscribing to God’s word on our spouse’s failure to do their part. The Bible is clear that we will each stand before God for what we have done:
“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according what he has done, whether good or bad.”-2 Corinthians 5:10
To pass blame onto our spouse is to show contempt and pass judgment, something we ought to be slow to do considering that we must all give an account before God.
Concealers, Dealers, and Squealers! When any of these personalities begin to emerge in a relationship, you can be certain that trouble is ahead. Perhaps today, you have realized that you have started drifting in one of these directions. If so, you need to come before God today in humility and repentance. You must repent to your spouse and pray for God’s leading and direction in bringing healing to you marriage.
Pastor Scott Burr
Dayspring Community Church
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